Last year in September, the young adults group went on a trip to Michigan to visit one of our friends. I wanted to ride in the car Matt was driving, but obviously I was too shy to voice that, so I ended up riding in the other car. I had a panic attack in the car and I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it so I just sat in the back seat silently squeezing my stress ball and trying to breathe.
I have become very good with hiding my attacks. And since I’m very reserved, I don’t look any different while having an attack. I’m just my normal quiet self. On the inside I am far less than normal. I struggle to breathe and my hands and feet are going numb. But I manage to look completely composed on the outside.
We arrived at our friend’s house in Michigan and had a great time. The boys pulled an all-nighter, while the girls slept. The next day, we all decided to have a bonfire that evening. We had to get firewood so Matt offered to drive and the rest of us were going to get in the car with him. I was already in the car and Kristina was about to get in with me. One of the guys called Kristina back inside and then she poked her head back out and winked! Apparently one of the guys in our group, Kyle, planned this all out so that Matt and I would be alone and get wood together!
(Matt is on the far left and I am the last “O” in “O-H-I-O”)
On our way to get wood, Matt asked me questions in order to get me to talk. We discussed trips we had been on and sights we have seen. It was a really good time! But of course the whole time I was with him my anxiety was through the roof! We got back to the house and Kristina told Matt likes me. That right there was my favorite part about the whole Michigan trip. I finally knew for certain that he liked me back.
The next day we all went out to look at a lighthouse. I was cold so Matt gave me his jacket. It made me feel so warm and special. I was so giddy the rest of the trip. I didn’t have any panic attacks on the way back home, I was just too happy!
(This is the lighthouse we saw)