I’ve been married for six months now and something I have learned throughout my relationship with my husband is how important it is to communicate with one another.
When we were dating, I constantly had a fear that Matthew would grow tired of me one day and want to leave me. This is probably because my parents and step-parents have all been divorced at least once, some of my friends’ parents are divorced, and I even have relatives who are divorced.
My husband and I love each other. We are happier now than ever. We may have “heated discussions” now and then, but we always talk them through and cuddle afterwards. 🙂 There is never any lingering anger towards each other.
I realized that my fears were getting in the way of our relationship. He would show the smallest sign of irritation, just a simple sigh, and I would jump to the conclusion that he didn’t love me anymore and wanted to leave me. I hardly talked to his family because I have social anxiety. I knew that Matt wanted me to bond with them. He would ask me if I could try my best to talk. I would then cry and repeatedly say “I’m sorry” with tears streaming down my face. Matthew didn’t understand at the time what the big deal was. He would hug me and console me, but he didn’t understand why I was so upset.
I realized that keeping him in the dark would not help me to get over my fears and it wouldn’t allow him to work through those fears with me. Once I told him my insecurities, he knew to be more careful with what he said and he reminded me of his love for me more often.
He has never had fears like this. So he does not completely understand. But he does understand that this is something I deal with and that although my fears may be irrational, they are very real to me.
We have been working together on getting rid of these fears. We love each other so much and I know he will never leave me. I don’t cry every time he is upset with me anymore (OK, that’s not true. I am a crier. I cry when happy, sad, mad, frustrated, tired, emotional…the list goes on. It’s a wonder how he puts up with me every day. He’s SO good!! We fit so well together, like two puzzle pieces in love.) I guess it’s more accurate to say “I don’t cry every time he’s upset with me because I’m no longer afraid he doesn’t love me or wants to leave me”.
Telling Matthew my fears and insecurities has allowed me to grow and become stronger. I am much more confident in our relationship. I am able to recognize when my thoughts are irrational. I know that we will be together as long as we are both alive.
***It is SO important to have a significant other understand your fears and be willing to help you work through them! I can’t stress this enough! There is someone out there for you, you just have to be patient and wait for God’s timing! My Matthew is incredibly understanding and patient with me. He is perfect for me, my missing puzzle piece.***