This past Saturday, June 29th, Matthew and I went to the Twenty One Pilots concert at the Nationwide Arena in Columbus, OH.
I have been to several small venue concerts, one medium-sized concert, and four big concerts. I honestly prefer the smaller venues and here’s why:
During the entire show last Saturday, I was fighting off a panic attack.
We sat in the nosebleeds. We wanted to sit closer, much closer, but as soon as the tickets went live all of the closer seats were immediately taken. We barely even got the seats we did before everything was sold out! The seats we were in were extremely high off the ground, which made me very dizzy and stressed because I have a terrible fear of heights.
When the opening act began, I felt fine. They weren’t too loud and the crowd wasn’t screaming yet. But when Twenty One Pilots took the stage, I almost had to leave.
I am very sensitive to loud noises. I hate the word “trigger” because it is so overused and trendy to say nowadays, but loud noises honestly trigger my panic attacks.
They opened with the first song on their album, Jumpsuit. It was loud. I was sitting high above the ground. There were people all around me. And I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
The first thing I noticed was my breathing. I was breathing short, quick breaths and it didn’t feel like they were accomplishing anything. I then felt light-headed. The stage got darker and darker and I realized I was seeing in tunnel-vision. My ears started to ring so loud that I could hardly hear the music. My toes started to tingle, then went numb. The tingling was travelling up my feet. I felt like I might pass out.
I wasn’t surprised that this happened. It always does when I’m surrounded by lots of people or loud noises. Saturday night I was surrounded by both. I wanted to step outside and breathe, but I didn’t want Matthew to miss any of the show because I knew he would follow me. So I pushed through.
I couldn’t sing for the first half of the show because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. But I danced and pretended like I was fine. I kept reminding myself that this feeling isn’t forever and that I have control over my body.
I then began to pray. I asked God to take away my panic and anxiety. As soon as I prayed, I started to calm down. About halfway through the concert, I felt normal again. I was able to enjoy myself. I still couldn’t sing as much as I would have liked because being out of breath is another anxiety trigger for me. But I still had an amazing time.
I’m glad I decided to fight and control the anxiety rather than let it consume me and take away my enjoyment. Overall, the concert was wonderful and I do not regret going. I refuse to let my anxiety dictate whether I go or do something I truly want or not. I am in control of my anxiety, not the other way around.